Why am I here?

There are 52 people from Riverview on a missions trip right now to Tijuana, MX. I debated for a long time if I should go on the missions trip or not. Our whole family went last year, and it was great doing that with JR and the kids. For some reason, I just didn't feel like I could do it again this year. But now, I wonder why? Was I just not ready to go through that again? It's not like the trip was horrible, by any means. It was just emotionally exhausting. When we began talking about Mexico again, it made me cringe. I just couldn't do that again. At the time, I couldn't put into words why I just couldn't get excited about going again. I have had a lot of time this week to think about the real reason I didn't want to go.

I think I have this fear of something happening to me. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? Why don't I trust God to take care of me? He did last year. Why would now be any different. As I sat home this week, I had a lot of time to think about how God did watch out for me last year. This time last year I was having HORRIBLE problems with migraines. I was getting a couple a week. When I got one, I would get sick and end up in bed for the better part of a day. The amazing thing is I started to get one the first night we were in Mexico last year. I prayed and God immediately took it away. That has never happened before. God was watching out for me. I felt like that was almost His was of saying, "see, I've got your back." The rest of the trip was great. It was awesome seeing the kids playing with the Mexican kids that didn't even speak English. It didn't matter - they didn't need to talk to each other to play and have fun together.

As I watched the group pull out of the Riverview parking lot last week, I cried like a baby. I cried because it was hard to see my husband pull away and us not be with him. It was hard because my 20 year old neices were also on that bus. I realized I had been selfish in saying I didn't want to go on the trip this year. I have had a lot of talks with God this week about that. I feel like I missed out on a lot because I was being selfish.

The funny thing is when we talked about going last year, I totally didn't want to go. I wasn't looking forward to it at all. In fact, I was dreading it. I was dreading the unknown. We weren't going to have running water or electricity. We were going to be in a very hot place. I hate being hot. I was just afraid. I had never been on a real missions trip before. It just seemed totally out of my comfort zone and I was not ok with that. But, JR really wanted us to go. I realized it would be a good experience for all of us, so I said ok. Even the night before we left I was scared to death. We sat in the airport and I really couldn't believe I was on my way to Mexico. I was so scared.

But, not going this year forced me to think through a lot of the feeling and emotions I never dealth with last year. I think that's why I wasn't ready to go this year. To be honest, I didn't know I even had any of this to deal with. I sat last night talking with a friend about the trip. I sat there and got so excited about going next year. That was honestly the first time that I was excited about the thought of going back to Mexico. I almost feel like I had to miss out on this year's trip to really deal with the issues I had. It's cool now to see the result. I just wish I would have dealt with this a few months earlier so I could be on that trip right now. Although I don't know if there would have been any other way for me to really deal with any of this.

Help?

Ok, I know this might appear desperate, but I'm willing to take that chance. We are in the process of painting the siding on our house. JR is in Mexico until Saturday night and I have been working like crazy trying to suprise him and get it done before he gets home.

There are only two sides of the house that I cannot paint. The middle of our house is two stories, and the two sides of that are only one. We have to get up on the roof to paint two of the sides of the second story. I am incredible afraid of ladders and heights when on a ladder. I have somehow overcome the fear of the extension ladder and painted 2 of the sides of the second storie with the ladder. However, I draw the line at getting up on the roof to paint anything else. I figured that might not be a good idea to do, especially when I don't have any other adult around.

So, is there anyone out there that would be willing to come for a couple hours and help paint the siding? I can't offer you money, but I do promise that I will feed you well:)

Thanks!!

I can't believe it's already July. Amanzing how fast time flies.

June was fun - but really busy. We had kids kamp and it went great. We had about 280 kids during the week. The coolest thing was we had a couple parents come up to us during the week and tell us how excited their kids were to come everyday. They were even bringing their friends. It totally makes all the hours we spend putting kids kamp together worth it!

Ethan had his birthday June 30th. He turned 8! Yes, I actually have an 8 year old child. Don't know how this is possible considering I'm still 23... He has been so excited because he got a new bike for his birthday.

Right about the same time, Hailey learned how to ride her bike without training wheels. Put this together with the fact that I got a bike for my birthday and you now know why we have a little family bikeride every night. It's actually been a lot of fun. I LOVE riding my bike. It makes it all that much more fun to ride with the kids. Now we've just got to get JR one so he can join in on the fun :)

We decided to be really brave tonight and we rode our bikes all the way to the library. For those of you that don't know where we live, the library is exactly one mile away. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but when your daughter just learned how to ride a two-wheeler and your son is just learning how to use hand brakes, and you have to cross a pretty busy street, it can be a scary adventure. We did pretty well. I only had to tell the kids 5 or 6 times that you use brakes to stop, not their feet. I made a joke about how they aren't Fred Flinstone, but they had no idea who that was. Yup - yet another way to make me feel old.

I have to say I am excited to have the rest of the summer to just enjoy with my family. Kids kamp planning is done, and everything at church is really quiet right now. Not a whole lot to do. JR leaves for Mexico in two weeks. The kids and I, and my sister and neice are going to spend the night in Grand Haven one night while he's gone so we can enjoy the beach. We're going to be painting the siding on our house and working on a few other projects this summer. I just love being able to be free to do whatever we want. So nice!